Witty Banter

2010-09-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

Check out the new blog...

www.thebundials.blogspot.com

Hooray for marriage!

Silly Reasons I know Steve's "the ONE"

2010-08-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

When I bring him a Diet Coke from the Gas Station and it’s only half full, he doesn’t complain.

He doesn’t make fun of me when I ask him to check my closet for monsters.

His favorite color is brown.

While I watched Wives and Daughters, he sat quietly on the couch and didn’t make one sarcastic remark about the film.

He and I watched sat in Sunday school searching out the spelling errors made by instructor, and then compared notes. Yes, we’re righteous.
-Side note, this instructor happened to be an Elementary School Principal. She used such letter combinations as Isreal, Reabaom, Elijiah, and rigteouness. Wow…

He introduced me to Shark Week.

He puts up with my obsessive compulsive need to pick at his zits.
-Side note, Might be a slight over share, but it’s true.

We get our Slurpees half Cherry, half Pina Colada. I mean, is there any other option??

He’s patient with my crazy iPod habits…aka skipping the song when it’s halfway through and only listening to it on shuffle.

His biggest pet peeve is mixing up YOUR and YOU’RE. They are VERY different you know!

16 Days left!

Ben Folds

2010-07-19T11:18:00.001-07:00

On Saturday after we finished the necessary yard work and envelope stuffing required for the wedding, Steve and I got to go up to Deer Valley to the Ben Folds Concert. We grabbed some Café Rio in Park City, hiked the hill from the parking lot, staked out a good spot and ate our “picnic” on the lawn. I’d never been to Deer Valley before, and I was not disappointed. It was beautiful! We watched the sunset as the concert started, the temperature could not have been better and everything around us was green.

Ben Folds was playing with the Utah Symphony. He created orchestrations to some of his most popular songs, and the Symphony accompanied him on his piano. I’ve liked Ben Folds for awhile, but it was Steve who introduced me to him back when we dated in High School. So he was far more excited than I was for the concert. It was fun to be able to watch him, watching Ben Folds. Steve’s learned a few of his songs on the piano, so he knows when the hard parts are coming up, and what keys the songs are written in so he’d point those things out to me, and it totally made me realize how talented Ben Folds is. To watch him play the piano was hilarious, incredible and exhausting. His fingers move so fast it’s ridiculous, and he not only plays his songs, but writes them as well! His language left a lot to be desired, (he doesn’t hold back the swearing, even in front of a Utah audience.) but we got to hear some awesome arrangements with the symphony. My favorites were Gracie, Lullabye and Landed, which sound amazing the string section behind them. Another one that I didn’t know very well before but that I loved was Narcolepsy. (It was nice to have Steve there to point out the songs I didn’t know well.)

The best part of the evening however happened after the concert. Some people sitting next to us, who were sort of smashed, turned to us and asked if we wanted 311 tickets. We were strangers, and it seemed weird to me they’d even ask, but we just smiled and said “we’re good.” They asked why not and I said “because we’ll be on our honeymoon…” because I think that’s when the 311 concert is. However, our slightly drunken friends thought I said, “we’re on our honeymoon.” They laughed and “oohed and ahhed” and started the whole section cheering for us. We just decided to play along, because it seemed like it would be a futile attempt trying to explain their mistake. We just smiled and gave them a thumbs-up as we left the concert, and they had a grand old time teasing us as we walked away. Good times.

All in all it was a fun night out for us. Steve and I have been so stressed about the wedding, it was nice to just get away from the planning and be together with no worries attached.

Only 1 month to go!

Crunch Time

2010-06-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

50 Days! Steve and I have 50 days until our wedding. Now to most of you, that seems like an incredibly long time and nothing to get very excited about. I have had friends who’ve been engaged around that long and have felt it was the longest time of their life (i.e. Jessie, Mandy Abbie). However, when your engagement is a total length of 181 days, 50 days is not long at all.

So, we’re getting down to crunch time on the wedding planning. EVERYONE is feeling the strain, no one as much as Steve and I, with maybe the exception of my Mother. We’re slowly getting everything done, the guest lists, the caterers (and by caterers I mean shaved ice people), the flowers, the apparel of everyone involved. We’re meeting with the woman who’s doing our cake, putting the finishing touches on my dress, taking my bridals, and beginning the long list of Bridal Showers in the next two weeks. We’re also working with Steve’s parents being gone the 8th through the 17th, mine gone from the 23rd to the 31st and a Lake Powell trip with the English and Redd Families the first week in August. So as you can see, we’ve got lots of things to do, and less time to do them in.

The good news? Lindsay and I are going through the temple together Friday, and I don’t know that I’ve ever looked forward to anything more…except of course marrying Steve. Lindsay and I had a special day with Grandma yesterday so we could get our temple clothes and I think it’s safe to say we’re all set. It’s nice to know that I’ll have some way to relieve the stress that will probably plague me until my wedding day.

We have a lot to be excited for in the next month or so… 4th and 24th of July fun, Ben Folds Concert, family vacations and parties, weddings of friends and visiting family. We’re lucky to be having lots of family come out for the wedding. My Grandparents Boucher will be here with my Uncle Jeff and Aunt Beth from Arkansas for the first time since my brother Ryan left for his mission. Steve’s brother and sister-in-law Paul and Tenille and their adorable sons are coming from Syracuse. Steve’s having other family from California come as well, and we’re still waiting on some other family to make their plans, but we are SO excited and blessed to be able to have our loved ones come to our wedding.

It's been a long process, but it's been an incredible learning experience for Steve and I. We've become closer than ever, and we are so excited to see what the next 50 days has in store for us!

There is a switch

2010-06-15T13:49:00.001-07:00

There is a switch

underneath my desk.

It's connected to a power strip

into which my computer and phone are plugged.

In the middle of the day,

when I'm finishing up a project

my body starts to slump in my chair

and my legs stretch out under my desk.

And then, BLINK!

The moniter goes dark,

the phone screen goes blank,

and my heart just drops.

Time to reboot......CRAP

2010-06-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is the conversation I had with my soon to be nephew last night as I was trying to put him to bed... He's 2.

(said nephew is whining/crying)
Nephew: I can not sleep on this mattress, it's not safe for me.
Me: Yes you can sleep on this mattress, and your brother is going to sleep right next to you, he won't let you fall off.
Nephew: I do not want to go to sleep, because I'm not tired.
Me: Oh I think you are tired, listen to how sad your voice is.
Nephew: I am not sad, I am scared because what if there's a monster (points to the closet) in there. Or what if they sneak in through the windows.
Me: You don't have to worry, Uncle Steven scared all the monsters out of the closet so and I blocked the windows so they won't come in.
Nephew: Where's my mom?
Me: She's at camp, but she'll be here tomorrow.
Nephew: Tomorrow? What time is today?
Me: Today is Thursday and tomorrow when your mom comes home it is friday.
Nephew: But what about Grams and Mom? Who will make sure the monster's don't get them.
Me: (this part's a little cheesy, but I couldn't think of anything else.) The monster's won't get them because Heavenly Father will protect them.
Nephew: But where's Heavenly Father and Jesus?
Me: They're in heaven
Nephew: No way! Will you read me a good night book?
Me: We don't have any good night books in here, how about I tell you a story?
(enter other nephews)
Nephew: okay but no monsters.

I'm going to enjoy being an aunt.

I would just like to say

2010-05-24T14:54:00.001-07:00

I NEVER HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER MATH CLASS AGAIN!!!

That's right UTAH STATE, I passed your two ridiculously awful math classes.

With better grades than expected, thank you very much.

Yes, that's right I'm gloating.

and as you can see

~I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED~

Strange Behaviors

2010-05-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

Today I realized something while I was at work. I have the WEIRDEST behaviors. These are behaviors that most normal people don't display. Sure, everybody has their OCD tendencies, but mine are just straight up crazy. So now I shall display these behaviors for all to see, because that's what you do on the internet...right?

-When I go into a public restroom I never, ever, ever go into the first stall, closest to the door. It completely freaks me out when I have to. Not sure why, been that way since I was little.

-When I wash my hands whether at work, or school, when I go to get the paper towel, I push the lever down exactly 5 times, no more, no less.

-When I am singing along to the radio with someone else and there's harmony, I have to switch to whatever they aren't singing. This is especially difficult when someone can't sing harmony and continually switch to whatever part they can hear at the time. All the parts must be represented so I just switch off.

-My feet have to be clean before I get in my bed.
-If I'm using a post it and run out of room, I have to start over and write smaller so that it all fits on one post it. {I did this twice today}

-If I'm eating brownies or cake out of the pan and take a bite, I have to keep biting until I make the side even again.

-If my nail polish chips on one finger, I have to keep picking at it until none of my fingers have nail polish left.

-When I clock out at work I have to wait until the time changes to the next minute before I push the "clock out" button.

-There is a sticker on my computer, {from before I started to work} that I cannot get off. This wouldn't bother me so if the dang sticker wasn't off center and not level. It's a square sticker and the square leans ever so slightly. Drives me nuts.

-When someone passes me on the freeway, I automatically speed up as if to say, "I am no slow poke. You had no right to pass me!"

I'm quite sure there are others. I just didn't want to overwhelm anybody. I'm hoping that these compulsions aren't as strange as they seem...but then again I'm sure they are.

TIDBITS

2010-04-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

Once again, there has been a long break between blogs. With all the other stuff I have to do, I'm afraid blogging has been the last on my list of priorities. (And trust me the list is long) So here, in no particular order, are some of my thoughts and feelings over the last couple of weeks.

~I am so ready to be out of Logan. I've learned some of the hardest lessons of my life by living up here. I've found myself, and some true friends. However, my time here is ending, and I am welcoming the change. I truly feel that I'm moving on to something better. Finals week anxiety and restlessness is beginning to take hold and to be honest, the sooner I get out of Logan, or more specifically my apartment, the better.

~I started to count the number of days that there are left until Steve and I get married. It was depressing, so I've decided to keep referring to it as 3 and 1/2 months. Even though it's the same amount of time, it seems shorter. I'm very excited for what the next 3 and 1/2 months has in store for us. For one, we'll finally be living in the same city. He and I have been doing long distance since we began dating in November, and I don't know how much longer we would be able handle it. True we'll have a very busy summer with family trips, wedding planning, and working 2 jobs each but we will be in the same city. It can only be a good thing!

~My last day of work is on Monday. My final hoorah at the good old credit union has come much more quickly than I'd thought. It has been a wonderful job and I have been so grateful to have been able to work there. My coworkers have become a second family, and I couldn't have survived in Logan without their support.

~I got everything done on that 40 line list of mine. Every single thing has been crossed off. Granted it took me a week and a half to do it, but it is finished and I feel accomplished. No the homework ends, and the test prep begins. I have 3 finals, but only one is that important. It's the first and unfortunately the most difficult set to begin at 7:30 next Tuesday. It is imparative that I pass this test, and not only pass, but do well! I REFUSE to retake this class! REFUSE!

~I've learned over the last few weeks that relationships do not have to be perfect. I'm learning that loving someone is being able to say that through the good, AND bad, and sometimes the ugly, that you still want to share your life with them. Two people creating a life together certainly isn't easy and some days seem much more difficult than others. However, even though I know relationships aren't perfect, I have also come to realize that you can have perfect moments. Sure relationships aren't always sunshine and rainbows, but that doesn't mean you have to be frustrated, or worried or fighting all the time either. Sometimes....life is just pretty darn good and it should be embraced.

California Fun

2010-04-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Over the last weekend I got to relive my High School Concert Choir Tour experience. This time as a chaperone! Yeah, I know...it doesn't sound like too much fun. However, my whole family got to go this time, so it was more like a family vacation than a High School trip. Even Steve got to come, although I had no idea he was going to. My parents surprised me by flying him out. Our first tour experience together wasn't a good one (I broke up with him) so it was SO FUN to have the chance for a better experience. It was great to be with my family! Here are some highlights.

~"I don't wanna see that mouse mom!" -- Seth

~Thunder Mountain Railroad in the dark

~80 Degree weather

~Cheese dog, Frozen Banana, what's better than food on a stick?

~LION KING at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Vegas

~Finding Steve hanging out in the hotel hallway like a creeper

~"Which would make you Michelle Tanner, and me Uncle Jesse...what?"

~Helping Russell ask Sarah to the Prom in front of the Disney Princess Castle

~The new Toy Story Ride...Excellent!

~Grandma B. on the Haunted Mansion

~Annie's face in our awesome picture on splash mountain.

~Dad finally getting on a Roller Coaster

~Ed and Ryan's open mic day on the bus complete with Stand-up comedy and Karaoke

~Oh Mrs. G., such a sweet spirit!

~Lunch at the Blue Bayou, the restaurant inside Pirates of the Caribbean

~Watching Sarah perform at Disneyland, she totally rocked it.

~Walking along the Pier at Newport Beach.

~Watching the PIXAR PARADE with the Twins...priceless.

~Secret Door #33

The Sisters...on Tour! What a great trip!

~Grateful~

2010-03-09T12:23:00.000-08:00

I am grateful for the sun~I am grateful for a good night's rest~I am grateful for my Diet Coke~I am grateful for prayer~I am grateful for the guy at work who called me pleasant~I am grateful to have a job~I am grateful for teachers who learn my name and who care about my life~I am grateful for warm showers~I am grateful that I can be silly with my roommates~I am grateful for a fridge over-flowing with food~I am grateful for missionaries~I am grateful for music~I am grateful for little kids and newborn babies~I am grateful for my soon to be in-laws~I am grateful for Skype so I can talk to some of said in-laws~I am grateful to be healthy~I am grateful for the mountains~I am grateful for the temple~I am grateful for my mother~I am grateful for nights when I have no homework~ I am grateful for the scriptures~I am grateful that Jessie knows how to help me de-stress~I am grateful to have pictures to capture awesome moments~I am grateful to have someone to confide in~I am grateful for good dreams~I am grateful for my sisters who swim~I am grateful for clean clothes~I am grateful for sunsets~I am grateful for my Testimony~I am grateful for good books~I am grateful for a sweet Fiance~I am grateful to live in a free country~I am grateful for matching socks (and sometimes non-matching ones)~I am grateful for true friends~I am grateful to have a sense of humor~I am grateful for green grass~I am grateful for the Priesthood~

Story Time

2010-02-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

Well, here goes...

Steve and I dated in high school. After some silliness from me we broke up and remained good friends for 3 years. After he came home from his mission, we decided to date again, which was fabulous because I'd always hoped we'd get another chance to be together. So in November we officially started dating again.

Needless to say, it went very well. We were (and still are) trying to make a long distance relationship between Salt Lake and Logan work. This has been the ultimate frustration for us and I know it's been particularly hard for Steve. So last weekend when I went home I was thrilled to find out that my parents had cancelled our "family plans" and that I could just hang out with Steve at his house. It was very chill, just he and I hanging out. We made really great Broccoli Cheese soup in bread bowls, and started to watch the Ice Dancing portion of the Olympics. (Steve wasn't too excited about that part.) Earlier in the week we had decided to play scrabble because it's something we like to do, and it was my turn to beat him.

So I played first, ironically enough, the first word I was able to play was "LOVED." He laughed, but having drawn the letters q, j, z, and other non-usable letters, he sent me in the kitchen to get him a drink because he was afraid it was gonna take awhile to figure it out. When I came back in the living room and sat down, steve started to play his letters, (his hands were shaking so badly.) A-R-R-Y-M-E.... arryme? Honestly I though to myself, 'that is not a word,' I was going to ask him to find it in the dictionary. Seeing my confused look, he realized he'd dropped a letter, so he went down to look for it. Now it was settling in...he was asking me to marry him. I quickly asked "are you for reals?" He laughed and claimed he was being serious. He pulled out the ring from his pocket, and asked me to marry him. After saying yes several times, I spelled it on the board. Then I promptly followed it up with the letters I had "UR NUTS." It all worked out quite perfectly.

Honestly the rest of the night is kind of a blur. His parents came home after circling the block a couple of times, and celebrated with us. Then we went to my house and told my family (who knew everything about it. Man I was clueless!) And here we are engaged. We've decided to get married in August, and let me tell you, it can't come soon enough!

Steve's way of proposing was absolutely perfect! I can't imagine anything different. It was so personal and perfect. Kudos to you Boy!This picture wasn't actually taken of us that night. There are some, I just didn't like them as much as this one. :)

2010-02-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!!

Steve proposed to me Friday, February 19th 2010

Story to Come!

Are you Hungry?

2010-02-09T12:01:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's just because I want to be an Elementary School teacher, but I love young adult and children's literacture. I almost read it exclusively, because honestly everything else kind of bores me. For Christmas my mom and dad got me a large stack of these kinds of books, amoung them: Number the Stars, The Giver, The Courage of Sarah Noble and others. I have quite a stack to work through, and unfortunately my schedule hasn't been such that I can read all the time. I want so badly to get through these books, so when my mom and sisters suggested a new book to read I wasn't too gunhoe about reading it. To be honest it didn't sound all that exciting, and I didn't understand the hype. However it was hard to be the only one that hadn't read it, because everyone was RAVING about it. So I reluctantly sat down Sunday morning and started to read The Hunger Games. Within the first 20 pages I was completely hooked. I was quickly and pleasantly surprised at the enthralling storyline! The characters were well developed, the action...SUPER intense, it was well written and the cliffhanger ending left me dying to read the next one. Needless to say I finished it in one day. Now I CAN'T WAIT to get home this weekend so I can start the 2nd book.

READ IT!

I Made a Discovery

2010-01-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

While at FHE the other night I made an important life discovery:

DRUMROLL PLEASE...........................

I have no desire to meet/flirt with new boys. Yes folks, the desire has officially been erased from my mind. I have said goodbye to my ability to flirt...at least with other guys. I am quite content to flirt with one guy from now on. It was a most exciting and welcome discovery.

As I discovered that, I simultaneously discovered something else. Girls are quite incredible at what they do....I mean really! I mean I guess I never noticed it because I too was "turning my flirt on" at every girl-boy activity. Honestly, I've never been able to determine when a girl is really working it, and when she is not as interested. But I have suddenly realized how talented some girls are at getting guys to take the bait. Maybe it is because I have no desire to flirt with anyone but the guy I'm with now. Perhaps I am not blinded by the competitive nature of flirting girls. I can now clearly see that years of reinforcement has taught women the way to behave if they want to get a guy. It is hilarious to behold these women working their wiles on unsuspecting young men...very entertaining. It is particularly fascinating when more than one girl is trying to get the attention at a time. I mean, what are we...animals? Girls can be so catty and mean when trying to nab a man. But they are sneaky about it, not wanting the boys to suspect them of being mean, they attack subtly, gracefully and volunteer information about the other girl in order to make themselves look better. Geez Louise! I'm glad I'm out of that business.

So I will discontinue batting my eyelashes, and suppress the high pitched giggle...(although those are techniques I seldom have used) I will, from now on sit back, watch and laugh at, all the other ladies as they "reel in their catch," content with the man I've caught.

2010-01-22T23:08:00.000-08:00

morning

sunrise
....open my eyes

and i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day

did you sleep well?
....did you dream at all?
can you tell me the time?

....on the alarm clock

i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day

but you can sleep in
you just keep dreamin
....for us

i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day

For the Record

2010-01-15T20:48:00.000-08:00

1. I love my statistics class. I know right? It very much appeals to the way I think.

2. I feel that the ELED Department has some serious flaws.

3. I'm a great cook.

4. Salt Lake is like 78 miles from Logan.

5. Children's books are often more interesting and entertaining than Adult ones.

6. Free Costa Vida is better than NOT free Costa Vida.

7. I can not wait for the weekend!

2009-12-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

You know that sound you hear on the radio when the station goes in and out...that crackling sensation?? Welp, I'm pretty sure that's what my voice sounds like right now. I'll be talkin and then all of a sudden, my voice will completely cut out, sputter and crackle. It's unfortunate.

In other news,

I baked a pie. Yep, I did it all by myself...(with the exception of the crust, my mom helped me make that.) It was the most beautiful looking dessert I've ever made. I wish I would have taken a picture, it would've made your mouths water.

Also, I've decided that while Logan is fun, I'm kinda tired of it. Mostly cause I got a taste of what it's gonna be like to be a teacher, and I'd like to just skip the next two semesters and be finished. It'd be nice to just start my own classroom...no more school. I'm ready to move on. If only...

Also, have you ever wanted to get inside someone's head to try to comprehend how their brain works? I mean someone that you constantly go, "what could possibly make you do the things you do?" I've discovered several humans that must have fascinating patterns of thinking. I mean truly unique individuals who do and say things without a filter of any kind. I would like to develop a way to see their thought processes when they do and say these ridiculous things. I think it would provide some marvelous insight.

For Example: What makes the sister in my home ward decide to get up and share personal information about the woman she visit teaches that I'm sure that women didn't want to share with the rest of the relief society. I would maybe understand if it was related to the lesson in some strange way. Then I could justify it. But in this case the lesson had ended we had sung the closing song, and the dear woman stood up and said "If I may I'd like to share something about Sister ______." She then went into a very disjointed, unrelated story about sister so and so, who I'm sure would of been mortified had she been there for the meeting. I just giggled. Whatever made her decide to do that? What thought process did she have? I'd of love to have been in her head at that moment. Sweet lady!

Also, I've recently rediscovered how wonderful my imagination is. Just FYI

2009-12-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

I met Kristi, my sophomore year at Utah State when I began my job as a teller at Deseret First Credit Union. Right away, I knew she was a kindred spirit. Her fiery red hair, not to mention her fiery personality made us instant friends. We had much in common, our majors, our age, our love of broadway musicals, our love for LOST and Gilmore Girls, our love of Harry Potter, and our addiction to Cafe Rio pork salads. Kristi was my savior at work, making the days more bearable simply by being there. I was then blessed to be able to have her as my roommate. What luck! I soon found her to be even cooler than was originally thought! She may seem quiet, but she's truly the most hilarious person I know.

For me, Kristi is proof that heavenly father knows me. He sent me her precisely when I need her! I cannot tell you how many times I've felt like my life was falling apart and had Kristi me step in and catch me. Between all of my roommates I'm sure she's seen us all do a number of stupid things. However, she is the one we all go to, because we know she will just listen and not judge us for our idiotic tendencies. She's coached me through, count em', 4 break-ups, the application process for the ELED program, drama after drama in my apartment, work outages and break downs, family troubles and many times where my testimony waivered.

Now she is leaving for the Houston Texas Spanish Speaking Mission. I am terribly sad she's leaving, but she will be the most incredible missionary. Kristi has extraordinary faith, and a strong, simple testimony of the gospel. Though I don't want to share her, I'm so excited for the people in Texas to be able to know the wonderful person that I've grown so attached to!

Kristi on the right...eating the ice cream. Courtesy of Amy's Blog. Love it!

Christmas Songs

2009-12-04T15:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm a sentimental fool when it comes to Christmas music. Several songs almost bring me to tears, which is kind of a big deal for me. These songs include, but are not limited to:

Where Are You Christmas: Especially the version with that adorable little girl singing it!
My Grown Up Christmas List
A Special Night: Rarely heard, and usually just in Sacrament Meetings
When Christmas Comes to Town
The Christmas Shoes
Believe
I'll Be Home For Christmas
Were You There: Also usually performed in Sacrament Meeting
Do You Hear What I Hear: When sung correctly with no fancy pop fanfare

I'm sure some of you laughed when you read these titles. But, I have no intention of letting you change my mind. I like what I like so sorry if you don't. So I'm a Christmas Song Sap, leave me alone.

As for my other favorites, that don't bring me to tears, but make me happy every time I hear them:

A Wonderful Christmas Time: Paul McCartney, if you didn't know that, shame on you.
White Christmas: The Bing Crosby version, really is there any other good version?
Have a Holly Jolly Christmas
Silent Night
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: James Taylor
Santa Claus is Comin to Town: Springsteen....excellent
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/ We Three Kings: Barnaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan
O Come, All Ye Faithful

Arguing

2009-11-20T14:51:00.001-08:00

I've never been much good at arguing. In middle school when learning how to debate, I remember quite specifically standing up to make my point and forgetting everything I was about to say. I guess I'm not that great at confrontation.

Now, obviously this becomes a problem during long, lengthy and important arguements. I get rather flustered and am easily swayed to one side or another just to avoid talking about it any more. The more frustrating thing however, is that when I'm trying to pick a silly fight. For example last night when I was on the phone with my friend he mentioned that, of the two of us, he was always the optimist. I laughed, saying that there were several times he'd been the pessimist. The trouble came when I couldn't produce an instance where this was the case. For some reason when I'm fighting with someone, all details and facts immediately leave me.

Problems also occur when throwing insults, bantering with friends or working with 2nd graders. I'm good for one good retort, and then I'm out. After that, I have to start using generic comebacks such as "your mom...insert clever comment here" or "I'll...insert whatever they said here...your face!" Not really very original, am I? When fighting with my 2nd graders I was often challenged as to what the consequence would be if they didn't do what I said. On one occasion in particular I remember saying, "Well I don't know what will happen, but it won't be good." Oh yeah, I've definitely got them scared now!

Therein lies my struggle. I often lose the arguements because I know that I don't have the facts to back me up. I get too flustered, defensive or annoyed to remember.

My point is this, it certainly becomes infuriating when I'm the one who picks the fight and I can't even finish it!

2009-11-14T10:54:00.000-08:00

I am not a big advocate for snow. Sure it looks pretty, as it's falling down from the heavens, blanketing the world with white. However, I have come to a very simple and logical conclusion about snow. It is INCONVENIENT.

I'm sure I come across rather harsh, but that my friends is the truth of it.

When I was little, I looked forward to the first snowfall. I would spend hours outside in my "snow bunny suit" (affectionately named by my Dad) building snowmen and forts, and making snow angels. I wouldn't go inside until I couldn't feel my toes. Now that's dedication! Snow and I always had an understanding before.

Then...I moved up to LOGAN.
Then...I had to start driving in the snow.
Then...I had to endure snow for 6 months out of the year.
Then...I had to walk to class in the blizzard (which is quite difficult at a 70% incline of ICE)
Then...I had to pay my sky high heating bill because of the snow.
Then...I had to cancel important plans with friends because of the snow.

So now snow has become a bother, and a hastle to me. I propose a new deal, snow over Christmas Break! Not Before, Not After! Who's with me?

"Me and snow, we're through."

2009-11-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had those moments when you just want to say EEEEE!!!! You are so giddy and so excited that it's all you can do to contain yourself from bouncing of the walls. You find that you cannot sit still in your chair, nor can you focus on anything but the happiness building inside you. You are smiling all the time...big toothy grins...the likes of which are rarely seen outside of cartoons. You go to bed smiling, you sleep soundly and you wake up smiling. Moments like these can be the result of many things. I'm sure most people have had a moment like this! If not, I feel sorry and hope that you will experience it soon.

This my friends is pure happiness. This is being content with your life and excited about the challenges you are about to face. This is what it feels like to be truly, incandescently happy.

Try it sometime...

Checklist for Life

2009-10-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've had a particularly busy weekend, that will continue to be busy and in fact, get busier. Apparently, the world decided that this weekend was the time to pile everything on Megan. Sure a lot of the load has piled on due to my total lack of preparedness. Everytime I realize I'm procrastinating, I think...' tomorrow I will stop procrastinating.' Pretty bizarre logic right? I find myself making these lists on scraps of paper that I find at home or at work, or at preschool. The problem is, I never remember where I put them, so I end up having to start yet ANOTHER list. It doesn't help that I am absent minded, and frequently misplace things...like my wallet that I just realized was missing today...It doesn't help that ON TOP of everything I have going on I also have personal issues I'm dealing with, not to mention other people's issues that I've been made aware of. When I know someone is struggling I want to help...and that's my problem! I can't be selfish and just think about myself, NO, I have to help everyone else first.

So here is my to do list for today. I post it on the internet, where I know it will be. Because let's face it, I'm going to loose my written one anyway.

Go to Lee's to get Bread Bowls for the Linger Longer
Go to Macey's for Soup and Salad.
Get the keys to the Ward Building from Jordan
Go to the ward to find out how many plates/forks/cups/spoons etc. I have to get.
Call the Relief Society President to see if she can make some treats for Sunday.
Make 2 dozen cookies.
Pay my Questar Bill, that will be late if I wait any longer.
Find my wallet. (Hopefully it's at the movie theatre I went to last night)
Find 3 or 4 more crock pots for Sunday.
Find SOMETHING to put on the tables so that they don't get all gross.
Hollow out 100 bread bowls
Taste test the soup to make sure it's actually edible.
Make a cooler full of lemonade
Get ICE
Write my missionary friend, and the friend in the Military.
Practice the song I'm singing in Sacrament Meeting on Sunday.
Pretend like this soreness taking over my throat is all in my head.
3 papers, 1 quiz and 2 sets of chapter notes...ick.

Maybe I'll sleep and eat at some point. But that stuff's overrated right?

2009-09-25T13:37:00.000-07:00

You know you're a preschool teacher when...

You come home with a paint handprint on your bottom, that you didn't know was there.
You begin to praise adults with lingo like, "look at you! you are making dinner all by yourself."
You see a toilet paper roll as an art supply.
The song you have stuck in your head is Willaby Wallaby. No that is not a new rap artist, or a song by Katie Parry. It is in fact a highly effective children's song used to teach rhyming and alliteration. Let me demonstrate...

"Willaby Wallaby woo...an elephant sat on you. Willaby Wallaby We...an elephant sat on me. Willaby Wallaby wegan...an elephant sat on Megan. Willaby Wallaby wax...an elephant sat on Max." You get the general idea?

You become more comfortable sitting on the ground than in your chair.
You no longer blush when talking about body parts or where babies come from.

STORY: On the way into the classroom on Wednesday, one of the teachers was talking with Sadie (can't use her real name), one of our 3 year old students. While walking, Sadie was muttering something to her teacher very quickly, and quite incoherently. Figuring that Sadie was trying to ask her a question, the teacher asked "Did you say something about the grass?" Quite disgruntled Sadie said, "NO NOT GRASS..." She then repeated her original statement. To the astonishment of the teacher involved, Sadie had actually asked, "When am I going to get breasts?" The reason this teacher even realized what she was talking about was because Sadie was trying to locate them by grabbing at her own chest. The teacher quickly explained that she would get them when she got older, but that didn't stop Sadie. She continued to probe, asking why she couldn't have breasts like the teachers and her mom do, and was very upset that she was going to have to wait. Bless her.

Bedtime is not only mandatory, but necessary. Personally on the days I'm in preschool I become so exhausted that I'm lucky if I make it past 10:30.
3 Triscuits and some grape juice can hold you over for at least 3 hours.
Looking up at someone is a rare occurence.

AND FINALLY...

You see children running around a grocery store screaming and flinch...wishing you could stop them. (Especially when you know just how to do so.)

The greatest part?

"Oh Teacher...I'm just thinking about how great preschool is..." AIDEN age 3

Yep...Totally worth it.

Dear Roommates

2009-08-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that our landlady had a major meltdown in our apartment. Our apartment was much cooler, it had a waterslide (I wonder if that was symbolic) at the top. In the dream we had BOY attempting to move in to our apartment! . The boy was faceless but supposedly really awful and was moving in to MY room. I'm not sure where Jessie was, I guess in this dream we were all in our own rooms. Regardless of where she was, we had a boy in our apartment...and he was ruining my life. As much as we protested the move our dear sweet Rosemary was more concerned about the dumb holes in the wall. We were in the midst of redecorating our apartment when she barged in and began screaming. "MORE HOLES FOR YOU, MORE MONEY FOR ME! AH HA HA HA HA!" Needless to say, it was scary and even more so because she kind of had a Gollum/Izma voice. However, the rest of you giggled about it, eventually getting me to giggle about it, and together we made the land-nazi FURIOUS.

That being said, thank you Roommates for being you. Thank you for riding with me on my Roller Coaster of Emotions this week. I'm sure I was quite impossible to live with, but thank you for sticking it out. It means a lot that you are STILL (even after the millions of conversations) listening to my pathetic problems and trying hard to help me get through them. It makes a difference to have you close by. Also, I promise that this next week will go better. The initial first week of school craziness is over. Just stick with me, it'll be very important to have you around.

2009-08-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

Can you hear that? You know, the faint buzzing sound? It starts out soft and gradually builds to an annoying high pitched screach. That is the sound of a million alarms going off at once.

Hear that? Do ya? It's like a pounding sound, a smacking sound, a breaking sound... It's the sound of a half a million procrastinators hitting the snooze button. It can't be time yet. It just can't.

Now listen to that, that nails-on-chalk-board sound. That's the sound of thousands of little kids being dragged off to start kindergarten (or for some junior high...;) , they are clinging to every headboard, car door and mother's hand..."Please don't make me go to school. I wanna stay here with you!"

Okay, how about that one? Did ya hear that one? A million teens and college students just groaned at the same time, cursing under their breath, and pulling their covers over their heads.

The cheering sound is a hallelujah chorus of parents around the world rejoicing to finally have their time to themselves. No more entertaining, feeding, arguing, problem solving, picking up after or pacifying.

Hear billions of pencil sharpeners whirring; the sound of running on the blacktop, from the parking lot or up old main. Hear the jump rope rhymes, the giggling girls, the high fives, the cell phone rings, the iPod background noise. Hear the repeating question of "hey, how was your summer?"

You hear that? That whooshing sound...sort of like an airplane or a really really really fast car, or the wind coming from Logan Canyon...That is the sound of summer flying by.

Class is in Session...

2009-07-27T14:37:00.001-07:00

Hence forth, Jessie and I will no longer be allowed to sit together in Sacrament Meeting...

For the summer, our ward has been combined with 3 other wards because there are so few people living in the area as of now. For this month, another ward is in charge of the sacrament meetings. Now I understand that choosing speakers and subjects is a difficult task, one that I would never want. I'm sure the bishopric of this ward was trying to get some excitement about their said subject, Missionary Work. Great...Fine...but let's be honest. When you instruct 3 college students to discuss the same topic, inevitably they will give the same talk in three different voices. Please, for the love of everything good in this world Bishop, please never do a themed sacrament meeting again.

One thing you have to understand about Jessie and I...sometimes when we haven't had enough Diet Coke, we do things we aren't proud of. This combined with the somewhat reckless decision to sleep outside the night before on the grassy knoll, cause it's just too DARN hot in our apartment, made us quite irritable yesterday. Yes, it would have been scary, sleeping outside alone, but Travis protected us girls by sleeping a good 3 feet away, cuddled up like a napkin. When I sleep, I don't mean really sleep, I mean wake up every five seconds cause bugs are crawling on you, lying on the grass, staring at the bug zapper as it eats giant winged creatures. So when we woke up the next morning I had a blinding spot dwelling in front of my left eye, and Jess had a stabbing pain just between her eyeballs.

Yes I realize that on SUNDAY there is no excuse for being grumpy at church. I mean, we brought these head pains upon ourselves with our silly fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants ideas. So I am not asking anyone to feel sorry for us. Actually, I feel sorry for everyone who had to be around us yesterday. We did however spare those who would have to sit with us in Sunday school...the caffeine monster was on my back and I could not take it anymore. (Hey jess, did you feel that, we just got judged)...

So back in sacrament meeting, Jessie and I just couldn't handle the same speeches over and over. I was going to fall asleep on the shoulder of the guy next to me, and I didn't even know him. In order to stay awake Jessie and I did what every young LDS woman does...We practiced signing our names Mrs. Megan/Jessie...... Shortly after that got boring, we did the second thing LDS women do...Wrote down baby names that we liked. Our favorite however, came from Travis who is going to name his son Espen, but spell it ESPN. I thought it was clever. We laughed and giggled all through the talks (some of our names and chosen spellings were hilarious) and for the life of me, I couldn't keep still. We also covertly awkward handed several people surrounding us, laughing because they had no idea what we were up to. We're sinners...

And then, the clincher. The one thing that could of save the meeting for us we completely blew. The choice for the last song was "Called to Serve." Our organist was playing it fast and snappy (as it should be) and we could not contain ourselves. Songs like this one bring out the primary kid in me. I began by sit-marching...making marching movements while sitting...and Jessie joined in. If you know the base line of this song, you know that there's a lot of fanfare. So we began singing the fanfare between verses, and Jessie did that thing where she slides up to the top notes right before they were to be sung. It didn't help that the people behind us were joining in. Apparently silliness is contagious in a singles ward. Looking around, a ton of people were engaged in similar actions, but none as obviously as Jessie and I. At one point I looked up and our Bishop was staring us down, although he started to laugh at the end.

I guess we won't be surprised when the Bishop asks us to speak next week.

Blink

2009-07-20T11:15:00.001-07:00

I've never really explained my obsession with Lost before. I mean I'm sure I've mentioned it in posts gone by, but never have I admitted that in almost every situation I face in life big or small I can relate something in it to an episode of Lost.

In this case, I am reminded of an episode in Season 2 in which Kate finds the abandoned medical station. Long story short there is a light at the end of the hall that blinks and continues to blink and make that awful noise that light bulbs make when they're ready to die. This light bulb image is also seen on the disk menu of that Season. Yes I know things like that, pathetic maybe, but it has been engrained in my brain regardless. It's a flashing light at the end of a long, dingy hallway. I always think that the light will suddenly go out, but it doesn't. That lightbulb as since moved locations and now lives above my desk. Torturing me with it's awful florescent glow and screaching sounds. (If you are not familiar with Lost, but have ever seen Joe Versus the Volcano, you should know what I'm talking about.)

Of course it doesn't matter to anyone else, because my cubicle is surrounded by 4 empty cubicles, one on each side. So the possessed light doesn't affect anyone else. But I'm about 10 seconds away from shooting it with a rubber band, to put it out of it's misery forever.

So I'm pretty sure this light has decided to see how long it can keep blinking before I completely lose my mind. I could very well go into shock, have a seizure or get motion sick. I'm already seeing bluish spot whenever the light dulls. But I won't give in! You will not defeat me stupid light...you might be creepy and remind me off lost...but you will not defeat me!

Top Ten Reasons Why My Dad is Superior to All Others

2009-07-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

Reason 10: People say my dad looks like Mel Gibson (pre-passion of the christ era). And my friends say he sounds like Kronk. A HUGE compliment!

Reason 9: He taught me how to drive a snowmobile at age 8. Though it was a painful and laborious process, he never gave up. Now when we go snowmobiling, I'm the driver, instead of the whimpy rider on the back. He also taught me the need...the need for speed. (and a love for the movie TOP GUN) Probably not always a good thing, but in this case much appreciated.

reason 8: He comes to my rescue when I pop a tire...even at 11:30 when I'm stuck in downtown Salt Lake. I hid in the backseat of my car until he came, but when he did....I don't think I've ever been so relieved. Sounds a little nuts, but I love that my dad will save me when I need him to!

ReAsOn 7: His favorite thing to ask is "Have I given you a hug today?" and even if you say "yes" he hugs you anyway.

Reason 6: He has an uncanny ability to hide 20 dollar bills in my car, where I won't notice them until I need them. Also...he seems to know exactly when I'm out of money, even when I try to hide it.

Reason 5: He somehow always manages to know when I'm having a hard day...even when I'm in Logan. On the hardest and most heart wrenching days in my life I always have either a message, an e-mail or a phone call from my dad. He always has the best advice for those situations, I value it more than anyone else's. He is so in tune with his kids.

Reason 4: He speaks Spanish to the workers at Cafe Rio, even though they look at him like " why are you talking to me you silly gringo. "

Reason 3: He's given me a pretty high standard when it comes to dating. To see the way he treats my mom, like a queen...has raised my expectations of what my future husband should be like. I won't for settle for anything less.

Reason 2: He's never missed a performance. I've performed a lot over the years, and even though it's not always my dad's favorite thing, he's always there to cheer me on. He even sang a duet with me for a Christmas Concert, even though he was super nervous. I'm sure he's filled is quota for a lifetime, but he still comes to everything important to us.

Reason 1: He's got a rock solid testimony. My dad converted to the church when he was in high school in Arizona. He turned around and went on a mission to Spain the next year with virtually no support from his family. His parents converted while he was gone, and have remained active ever since, though the rest of his family have continued to stay committed (broad term) to their other religions. Since he joined the church my dad has held many callings, fulfilled every obligation and never ever looked back. It's a trait I truly admire in him.

Writer's Block

2009-07-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing idea for a blog today. It's been a few days since I last blogged, and I felt that it could use another update. The problem was, when I pulled up this page to type my amazing idea...I couldn't find the words. Do you ever get serious writer's block? I know exactly what I want to say in my brain, but whenever I go to type it, the words don't flow nor do they make sense. Maybe it's because I know what I'm going to say could upset some people...or could easily misconstrued by those who read it. Sometimes it's hard having a blog that people know about. I guess that's what journals are for, writing the things you couldn't say out loud. Places to vent...that only your posterity will read long after you're gone. No chance of repercussions there.

Speaking of repercussions...I don't always think about those when I make a decisions. I hardly ever stop and think, "is this going to come back and bite me in the butt?" and guess what? More often than not, it does! Now why does that surprise me? I guess I just get too excited at the grandness of the latest decision that I don't weigh what the outcome will be. I am easily carried away by the promises that the new decision will be. I mean, who wouldn't be right? It's new...it's exciting...To think about the negative consequences that would arise would be a downer. To constantly worry about how so and so would feel, or what I would do after, or how it would be financially possible would not be things that I think about. Especially when thinking about those things would cause me to miss out on the one thing...The BIG thing...the exciting thing!

I guess I'm selfish, but I can't stand to let something great go cause I'm worried about the repercussions.

Well, there it is I guess. It sort of came out...not in the exact way I wanted it to, but there it is.

Buenos Dias, Bonjorno and Bonjour Europe!

2009-07-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

I have returned from my European adventure! My family spent the last two weeks traveling europe stopping in Madrid, Segovia, Barcelona, Pompei, Naples, Rome, Florence, Pisa, Nice, Monaco and Marseilles. 3 countries in 12 days. It was insanity! Honestly there isn't a blog post long enough to relay all of the amazing details of what we experienced. In these places we saw some amazing sights....that until now I'd only seen pictures of, and now, I was the one who TOOK the pictures.

The Prado The Plaza de Mayor

the academia (the site of Michaelangelo's David.)

The Goudi Church St. Peter's Basillica

The Forum The Trevy Fountain The Colosseum

La Valle de los Caidos

El Escorial

The Leaning Tower of Pisa

Pompei Mt. Vesuvius

Vatican City Princess Grace's House Monte Carlo

and SO MUCH MORE!

I took this the first day at the Plaza Mayor

It's the Leaning Tower of Pisa....

The Castle in Segovia

The Ruins at Pompei

The Forum

Gelato in Italy....Does it get any better?

It was an incredible trip!

General Announcements

2009-06-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

I officially started my job at Extra Space today, they've taken me back for reasons I'm sure they don't even fully understand.

In exactly 14 days I will be on my way to Spain!

I am now living in Salt Lake for 4 days a week, Monday thru Thursday only to drive back to Logan to work 2 more. P*a*r*t*y in Logan on the weekends!

Carrie has now left for Hawaii, (insert fake and painful half smile here....) I realize that this doesn't really concern me, but I feel like it does. Carrie is my rock, and I wasn't aware that a ROCK could move away!

My younger sister Sarah just got the Lead role in her high school's musical, the Music Man. (also has nothing to do with me but I'm proud!)

The Hush Sound is now one of my favorite groups to listen to.

Lucy, my car is now 1~year~old!

Contrary to popular belief (thanks Jessie) I did not abandon my roommates. As was said above, the job in Salt Lake was calling my name.

It's weird to be back at home, I'm not always sure what to do with myself!

My hair is red, and I have BANGS.

My dog sneaks into the house late at night, and proceeds to snore outside my bedroom.

I've begun to date a very nice boy (I've never announced that on a blog before, hopefully a step in the right direction)

I am applying for my program this week, cross your fingers folks, this could be scary!

Ode to the Porch Swing

2009-05-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

We have a Porch Swing....

Jessie created a plan to hang it and the boys next door

executed it perfectly.

It sits pleasantly near our front door

Hung between a railing and a tree that I'm certain we're killing.

It is a gathering place, A MECCA of sorts...

where the neighbors meet

Actually, most of us meet other people while sitting on it...

It's a conversation piece really.

We read, eat, sleep, cuddle, and talk on that swing...

among other things.

Also it's great for star gazing, cause there's a break in the tree

right where you look up.

Quite picturesque if you ask me.

Good times on that swing...

Overload

2009-05-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

System failure......system failure.....brain crashing....imput overload....not responding....will not compute.........project terminated.....hard drive crashing....HELP!

Were I a computer, my wiring would be smoking and my screen would be turning lots of crazy colors. My brain simply will not function these days. With everything happening in my life lately, it is on constant overload. There is simply no room for more information...if you crammed anything else in there it would EXPLODE!!

I am at to the point where I can't think about anything else in my life, there are already too many jumbled up issues that need to be resolved on many different levels and subjects! Between school, and home and work and boys and stupid responsibilities and new apartments and new neighbors and change and roommates and choices and the future I am just swamped.

So do not tell me anything new, do not give me another assignment, do not ask me another favor, do not ask me another opinion, do not create more drama. Cause my brain will not handle it well.

Text me....I dare you!

2009-05-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

The following is a list of reasons why I hate text messaging. Yes I realize that I am slightly hypocritical because I indeed text more often than I call people. Just because I do it however, does not make it right!

Reason #1...Because other than the little ;) there is no way to distinguish sarcasm and teasing from compliments or jibes. For example, someone could say "you're a jerk," but without the winking face is it serious or are they just kidding? This brings me to my next point...

Reason #2...People will say just about anything through a text. The whole reason that they do this is that they're too afraid to say these things in person. Let's give teenage girls another way to be vicious...because when things are said in a text they aren't nearly as hurtful as in person. BIG FAT LIE.

Reason #3...Some boys think it's okay to ask girls on dates through texting. "I'll text ya..." Is my least favorite phrase to hear from a guy. Guys, get some guts and ask in person, or at least over the phone. Yes, once you've been dating awhile or established that you're a couple, texting is appropriate. Also, please for the sake of girls everywhere do not tell a girl that you "like her" or even "love her" (Yes this actually occurs) through a text message. How impersonal is that? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Reason #4...Is there anything more annoying than sitting next to a snot nosed kid at a movie or play while they're texting? That lovely blue light shines in your eyes. What is this K-mart? You're trying to enjoy the entertainment you PAID to see! For some reason all respect for everyone around you melts away when your butt starts buzzing.

Reason #5...There is no real end to a text message conversation. On the phone, it is easy to say, "well I have to go, I'll talk to you later. Goodbye." However I can't tell you how many times I've been talking to someone over text and have suddenly stopped getting a response. Then the conversation is just out there....floating....waiting for someone to pick it up. Are you done talking to me...or did you just crash your car or something? The least someone could do is say, "welp see ya later." Even a "text ya later" would suffice. But no, we can't do that...it's going to take 6 seconds away from your life. Isn't the point of texting to save time? What are you doing with all the time you saved not calling someone.

Off my soap box now. I truly do like texting, and very much enjoy getting texts. I will admit I've been caught doing every one of the annoying things mentioned aside from the "I love you" comment. I am ashamed...but will most likely do them again.

Also....just text me....I don't care what....just do it please. You know who you are.

2009-04-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

Procrastinating...

oops....

I can think of about a dozen other things I should be doing right now that should be a higher priority...

But I'm choosing to forget them....

Bad Megan

Not Out of the Woods Yet

2009-04-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

3 Weeks

3 Finals

1 Quiz

At least 50 diet cokes

3 More Lost episodes

2 Snow storms

6 Beautiful days

and then...

SUMMER

Focus Megan

Lost in Translation

2009-03-31T22:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, I guess it's hard for some people. Listening, an every day human function, is just hard for some people. It could very well be that something vital between their ears and brain is missing. Perhaps, others were not taught that as members of a society, it is polite to listen when someone speaks. A third theory is that it is physically impossible for some people to stop thinking about their own lives long enough to hear about someone elses life. I wonder how these people were allowed to be so self absorbed for so long?

For me, it is a compliment when someone wants me to listen to them. It shows that they trust me enough to hear what they have to say, without judgment. It also means that they care about me enough to tell me what's bothering them. Now I will admit when I was little and my parents tried to tell me to clean my room, or be nice to my sister, the message would sometimes get lost in translation. For some reason, "stop pulling your sister's hair" did not register as anything more than a suggestion. Now as an adult, I've realized a key to using this skill effectively is to RESPOND, to the talker. Whether it be by giving advice, sympathizing, hashing out details, defending your side, or simply doing what they ask of you, response is key.

So what is their excuse? How can people my age justify being bad listeners? Were they dropped on their heads as children? Do they know how to follow instructions? Do they respect the talker enough to do something about it? Is it honestly THAT hard?

Perhaps they are just hard of hearing. Maybe the rest of us just have to SPEAK UP.

Because That's What Roommates are For

2009-03-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

These are my roommates. I don't know that I've ever introduced them before, but here they are. From left to right...Megan Stoddard, Mandy, Chari, Melissa, Jill and Me, Megan.

Megan Stoddard: or "The Other Megan" as I like to call her. She is the quiet roommate, but she's the nicest most considerate person I know. She is the constant in our apartment. Always kind, always happy, and always up for anything.

Mandy: Mandy Lee is my most recently happily married roommate. I guess she's not really a roommate anymore, but it still feels like it. She is the Mother, always making sure we eat, enough, sleep well and take care of each other.

Chari: My dearest Charissa is the sweetest person in the world. She has a need to make sure everyone is happy. I love that she cares about everyone else more than herself. She's friends with everyone and can listen without judgement.

Melissa: The human fortune cookie. Seriously, she gives the best advice ever. I look to her for all sorts of guidance and comfort. I've never been so impressed with a person my age in my life. She knows herself, who she is and her great worth. How rare that is.

Jill: Jill is my rock. Not only because she has rock hard calves, but also because she is my kindred spirit. She's the one I vent to when things get tough. She supports me, listens to me and keeps me sane when I'm at my wit's end. Without her I could not stand.

Then there's me, and I'm just...me.

I'm lucky.

Uniquely Logan

2009-03-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

Let me take a minute to talk about the wonderful place I live. Only in Logan do you see the following:

Men in cowboy boots and chaps going in to banks and restaurants
College students in t-shirts and shorts during 50 degree weather. (Someone wore a bikini to class today)
Kamakaze squirrels darting in front of walking students. (Yes this has happened to me)
Old fashioned cars at a retro McDonald's.
Box elder bugs in mass, flying into car windows and crawling up classroom walls.
A sink full of ice cream being inhaled in an hour.
A man in a cowboy hat and shorts riding a bicycle that was much to small for him. (he was serious.)
Gym clothes mixed with flip flops and a cowboy hat.
People riding their horses on main streets.
A sold out spectrum (quite a sight to see, not to mention a death trap. Can you say fire hazard?)
Cops giving tickets for going 30 in 25 mile an hour zone.
A semi truck with a trailer carrying get this...mail trucks.
Run-down homes, still incredibly beautiful despite their run-downness

This is what I love about Logan. It is constantly surprising with it's unique places and it's even more unique people. I live in a hilarious place.

2009-03-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

Did you think that your feet had been bound,

By what gravity brings to the ground?

Did you feel you were tricked,

By the future you picked?

Then come on down....

All these rules don't apply
When you're high in the sky,
So come on down
Come on down.

Did you think you'd escaped from routine,
by changing the script and the scene?
Despite all that you made of it,
You're always afraid of the change.

You've got a lot on your chest,
Well you can come as my guest
So come on down
Come on down

We're coming down to the ground,
There's no better place to go,
We've got sunlight on the mountains
We've got rivers down below.

We're coming down to the ground,
We hear the birds sing in the trees.
And the land will be looked after,
We send the seeds out on the breeze.

Down to earth

Tubies and Cowboy Boots

2009-02-21T14:36:00.000-08:00

You know what's thrilling? Wanting to do something for so long and not only finding out that you love it more than you thought you would, but also that you could potentially be good at it. I promise that this blog won't become a constant showing of my pictures, because it isn't a photo diary. But let me say that my best friend Jessie was way to fun to take pictures of it would be a crime not to show off what she does. Right? These pictures pretty much sum up mine and Jessie's relationship, as well as her personality in a nutshell. They demonstrate the many reasons why I love her and why she is my best friend.

She has the longest legs of anyone I know.
I am the short to her tall.

She will to just about anything for me, including walk along this
trecherous pipe in high heeled cowboy boots. Nice.

She is nice to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE!
Seriously, even when people drive her nuts,
she gives them her full attention,
and puts up with their annoyingness.
(Yes I am aware that isn't a word.)

She makes me smile. Enough said.

She's pretty...well gorgeous actually.

We are fwends....fwends are fowever.
(And she really is pretty. Really pretty)

~plus she takes great pictures~

Latest Passion

2009-02-16T21:04:00.000-08:00

For the past few months I've been saving up for a new camera, and on Saturday I finally got it! Hooray! Since I started school I've discovered a passion for taking pictures. I love to capture moments that other people might not see. So to have this new camera has been such an exciting venture, and even though I'm not very good yet, I'm stoked about this.

Here's a taste of what I've done so far...

So as you can tell I'm still a novice but I sure had fun taking these. Hopefully there will be some more good pictures to come!

Carnival Town

2009-02-11T20:12:00.000-08:00

Round and round,

Carousel
Has got you under it's spell
moving so fast
goin nowhere.

Up and down
Ferris Wheel
tell me how does it feel,
to be so High lookin down here?

Is it lonely?
Lonely
Lonely
Lonely

~~Norah Jones~~
my new favorite

Fine

2009-02-03T22:19:00.001-08:00

Have you ever had someone ask you how you are and you responded with, "I'm fine..."? It's a pretty generic way to describe your feelings don't you think? If you are in a bad mood or something bad happens, you don't wanna say, "crappy, I hate life." That is too unsettling. And if you are ecstatic, very rarely do you say, "I am just ecstatic." It's too braggy. So I guess really my question is, how many of us say we are fine, and actually mean it?

When we are hurting, it is easier to brush questions like "How are you?" with said response. And let's be honest, for most of us, when we ask a friend or coworker how they are, we aren't looking for their life story. A short answer would suffice. I mean if I were asking, I would not want to hear about so and so's dog dying, their test going badly, or that their boyfriend/spouse is upset at them again. No one wants to know the hard things that are going on in your life, no that is too depressing. No one likes to be around depressed people. Depression is contagious, as is almost any other emotion. Therefore, we choose to spare the ugly details of what's really going on in our lives, and cling to the happy highlights of someone else's life, until we can form our own.

So what if you don't have any happy highlights to share? What if you are going through the hardest of times and the only adequate response to choose besides bursting into tears is "I'm Fine." I can say from experience, that sometimes the only thing that saves me from breaking down is to respond quickly with "I'm fine" and then change the subject. It's too hard to think about everything going wrong. It's too hard to think about what you had, or what you want again. It's too hard to tell everyone that you have no idea where to go from here. So "I'm Fine" will suffice for now. What more can you say?

P.S. This is not supposed to be depressing, I promise that despite all that's happening with me lately, I am happy. It's just something I was thinking about.

My Hilarious Life

2009-01-29T09:44:00.000-08:00

So I just realized the other day, that my life is a series of hilarious moments. This realization came to me when in my family finance class of about 300 students, I had a T.V. sitcom moment. The class is held in the Eccles Science Center the best heated building on campus. However, it is also known to become a sauna in winter. This would be fine with me, but this class is not one you want to be overheated in. There is hardly ever an empty seat in class. It's full to capacity. I usually try to get there early so that I can scout out a seat, and look as if I don't want anyone to sit by me. (I am somewhat claustrophobic.) On this particular wednesday, walking in the room was like stepping out of a car during a hot summer in the south. It was muggy and humid in there! Disgusting! To make matters worse, I obviously wasn't doing a good job at seeming like a loner, because even before the rest of the row filled up, someone sat right beside me. The nerve! When there are still plenty of empty seats, you never sit directly by someone! This guy obviously didn't know the rules. He was nice enough, made small talk here and there, but he was HUGE! We're talking defensive line huge. I slid as far over to the other side as possible so I could breathe, and the class continued. But then, desperately searching for a seat another huge football lineman eyed the seat next to me. I prayed and prayed he'd find somewhere else, but lo and behold, he chose to sit on my left. So there I was, squidged between two huge football player sized men counting down the minutes until class was out. One had really bad breath, and the other had a really foul mouth. Both were sweaty, and overbearing. Yuck!

I was reminded at that instant of a sitcom I once saw with a similar situation. I immediately started laughing at the hilarity of the situation, which in turn caused stares from the linemen. But who cares! What a hilarious moment I was having! Sure it was a little uncomfortable but anyone who was watching us would have laughed at the tinyness of me in comparison to my huge friends. See my squished friends in the corner. That's how I felt.

Life is hilarious.

It's Been Awhile

2008-12-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

So my blogging hasn't been as up to date as I'd like it to be lately, but I've decided that when I'm busy, the last thing I want to do is write about how busy I am. So here are all of the fabulous thoughts, feelings, quotes, song lyrics, and significant events rolling around in my head. This is the only way I know to get them out. Yes it is time for another fabulous bullet list!

"Me and snow, we're through!"
All four seasons of LOST! Hooray!
Thank heavens for snow plows, and good tires.
"I wish I had a river, I could skate away on."
It's hard that you live so far away.
Math is out to get me, and I might not escape.
I am much to young to have a good friend married!
Christmas came and went much faster than I would have liked.
Too much, too fast.
I wish I could be home more.
"Have the courage to fail big and stick around! Make em' wonder why your still smilin'."
Would you please just let me talk! No second guessing.
I hope that you're really happy, and not just putting up a front because you're too sad to live your life the same way.
My sisters are extremely important to me, spending time with them keeps me sane.
Why do I still miss you?
I hope they call me on a mission...well somedays anyway.
I love knowing that you see me as an adult, with the ability to make my own decisions.
"So what, I am a rock star, got my rock boots....boots?" Isn't it moves?
Did I do something to offend you, or do you just not like me for no reason?
"If....if is good."
I have lost my faith in the US postal system...
Still not sure how and if you fit
"That and my pants are filled with starfish."..."You and your hobbies."

So as you can see, my head is filled with lots of confusing and sometimes contradicting thoughts. I guess the biggest problem is that right now, I don't know what I want. That indecision is creates problems in all aspects of my life: friends, family, school, work, relationships, and even church. So I guess the main question is what do I want?

Diet Coke Crisis

2008-11-13T14:22:00.000-08:00

Diet Coke...mmm...I am not afraid to admit that I am an addict. Fully aware of what caffeine does to you, I drink it anyway. When you are subject to migraines like the women in my family are, Diet Coke is a necessity of life. This week was one of the frequent occasions that a migraine decided to take over my life. Naturally, I have relied on Diet Coke and Excedrin for relief, like many of the women before me. Today however, every Diet Coke machine in the world decided that they wanted me to suffer.

At about 10:00 this morning my head was throbbing so I decided that I needed my fix. I had some time between classes, so I thought I'd drop by the Cafe' in the library and get a fountain drink. I had my money all ready to go, and was impaciently waiting when, much to my dismay, I was informed that the Coke was out. NO!!! I couldn't believe my ears, and the pain in my head worsened at the disappointment. I left the library and crossed the street to the Education building where I had my next class. I turned the corner by the stairs and...FATE! There was a coke machine just waiting for me. I got my money out, but unfortunately the stupid machine didn't take dollar bills. So in order to get enough change I bought a 50 cent gum pack in the food machine next to it, ( I was desperate ) and somehow scrounged the $1.25 necessary. I put my change in and punched in B5, my vending machine number of choice. The screen said vending, but nothing happened! NOTHING! My money came spewing out of the coin return and the machine suddenly said, OUT OF ORDER. This could not be happening to me? It just couldn't be. Very frustrated now, I trudged into the Tech building for yet another boring and unhelpful math session. As I walked in, I noticed yet another coke machine in the hallway. I thought, 'What the Heck, I might as well try it right?' WRONG! After making my selection, the words SOLD OUT flashed across the screen. I just about broke down right then and there. The whole world was against me? How could Diet Coke betray me like that? After all the years I've given to it, how could it do that to me?

I walked home in the pouring, and I mean pouring rain. By the time I got home I looked like I had showered again. My shoes squidged and my nose was frozen, but I didn't care... all I could do was think about how Diet Coke let me down.

Don't worry, I finally got one before work. Perserverance people...

Love

2008-10-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing this idea from another blog because I think it's something I need to write...

I love my roommates... I love cafe rio... I love watching old movies... I love walking in the rain... I love Edouard Manet's paintings... I love finding seashells... I love living in Logan... I love flirting... I love to play the piano... I love getting my paycheck... I love missionaries... I love wearing pretty dresses... I love making cake... I love LOST... I love chex muddy buddies... I love it when I balance at work... I love learning a new language...I love Broadway... I love Sascha, Carrie, Jessie, Brianna, Rachel and Jen... I love wearing sweats 2 sizes too big... I love it when my room is clean... I love the jokes on laffy taffy wrappers... I love Lion House Rolls... I love four wheeling... I love watching football in the rain... I love seeing my parents holding hands... I love Switchfoot and Regina Spektor... I love Diet Coke... I love testimony meeting... I love cucumbers... I love the feeling I get after running... I love watching the RedSox... I love getting mail...I love writing letters... I love Jack's missing tooth grin... I love playing in the leaves... I love to tease... I love holding sleeping babies... I love engagement stories... I love Elizabethtown... I love waking Sarah up in the morning... I love bear hugs... I love to play volleyball... I love the temple... I love taking pictures... I love overcast weather... I love driving up the canyon...I love the first snow... I love watching Smallville with Abby... I love the smell of a new book... I love my bright red Honda... I love British and Austrailian accents... I love listening to Max do Buzz Lightyear sounds... I love brushing my teeth... I love looking at the stars... I love hearing the wind outside my window... I love red headed people, Becky and Katelyn... I love Singing... I love not wearing make up... I love the Office... I love talking to my brother about girls... I love my mom's sweet dance moves... I love Audrey Hepburn... I love it when my Grandparents Boucher bicker... I love climbing trees... I love playing a part in a Musical or Play... I love the smell of freshly cut grass... I love Aggie Ice cream... I love USU Campus at night... I love playing dress up... I love the Nordstrom sale... I love wearing sweaters... I love taking long naps... I love reading the scriptures... I love playing Spoons... I love learning a new song on the guitar... I love the symphony... I love the scrapbook store... I love the smell of coffee... I love Seth's "Megan...look at me!" ... I love President Monson... I love swimming... I love when my dad leaves me messages... I love New York... I love falling in Love...

"Mom Mode"

2008-09-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

After a day of being constantly on my feet, I came home from the Library yesterday only to find my roommate Melissa lying in bed with a fever. I soon found out that she had been in bed all day with the worst of flu symptoms. She'd had nothing to eat all day and was basically immobile, she even told me this morning that she had no recollection of us talking to her last night.

It was a lovely situation to walk into after an unbelievably long day. However last night I realized something about myself. I have a "mom mode" that somehow switches on whenever someone close to me is hurting, physically and emotionally. For example, last night I became instantly concerned with how Melissa was doing. I felt the need to feel her forehead, check her temperature, and made sure she was drinking enough fluids. Normally, I'll be honest, sick people freak me out. In this case however I was so worried about my roommate being miserable that I just had to take care of her. Even now I find myself texting my other roommates to make sure Melissa is resting and drinking water. I was overwhelmed at first, I didn't realize that I had this side of me, but luckily my roommate Mandy's mom mode had switched on before mine and she was quick to put me to work helping Melissa. I was suprised that we both had this within us, when our other roommates didn't seem to have it at all.

Now that I know I can do this, there is no limit to what I can do! Huzzah! It's such an empowering feeling to know I have this ability within me.

Digging Deeper

2008-09-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

A friend posed a question to me yesterday that really made me think and in fact, I have been unable to stop thinking about it. As we were sitting outside and I was talking to her about how my life was going she asked me, point blank," Megan do you know who you really are?" She said she'd been thinking about it herself lately and was wondering if I had ever thought about it. I began spouting ideas of who I think I am: a singer; a student; a tellar; a pianist; diet coke lover; a music listener; a single, 5 ft 4, brown haired, blue eyed, almost-20-year-old, LDS girl.

Pretty self explanatory answers right? These are things that I do and that defines who I am, right? Well, to an extent it is right. I love music, it is a huge part of who I am. I feel like I am a hard worker who tries hard to succeed. I am happy to be that. However, then she through me another question that changed the way I had viewed the first. She said, "No Megan, I know your talents are a huge part of who you are, but with out all those things who are you?"

This question has caused me to reflect more on what I am on the inside. What do I think about, how do I feel about specific things, what do I believe in. Those things will stay with me no matter what happens. If my voice goes, when I'm done at this job or finished with school, when I can't drink diet coke anymore cause it's bad for you what will make me...me? Something to think about.

The Dream Doctor

2008-09-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

When I was five, I had a recurring dream that there were snakes covering every inch of my house. I haven't cared for them since.

Now, since I have moved up to college, I have had another recurring dream. I have had this dream 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Strange right? But what is even stranger is that these are not the first occurences of the dream. Last year at school, I had dreams with the same people, places and themes. So what do they mean?

What are these dreams about you might ask? Well that is personal. But my point is, why would I continue to have the same dream. Is it a sign? Is the dream going to come true? Or is the dream not going to come true and I should prepare myself for the worst? Dreams are manifestations of our unconscious or something right? The problem is that if they're supposed to be telling me what I secretly want or hope for, shouldn't I have some idea of what that is?

Running on Empty

2008-08-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

If you think this post is about my car, you are sorely mistaken! This year at school I am beginning the hardest phase of college. Not only are my classes becoming more difficult, but I am also taking on a car payment, tuition payments, as well as a job at Deseret First Credit Union.

Initially I knew it was going to be hard. I figured that it'd take a lot out of me the first couple of days of school, but I didn't imagine that I would be soooo tired! I go from 7:30 to 6:30 everyday without a real break. Even though I am sitting in class and at my job, mentally I have to be there. I feel like I just go and go and go and unfortunately I don't have the energy to do that. So I don't know how I am doing all that I'm doing but it's happening. I know it's a cheesy phrase but I'm finding the strength I never knew I had.

So other than running a million miles a minute I think this year is going to be really great for me! My roommates are adorable girls, all extremely nice. They like to go out and do things and always invite me to come along which is definitely a bonus cause I get to know more people. My ward is full of fun people, and I like my job. I feel like I can really make this work. It's going to be hard, but it will be so worth it! And I can do it, I don't need anyone else to help me. I can do it! What an amazing feeling.

Fake

2008-08-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

Can you tell when other people are acting fake?

Today in the break room I had someone ask me when I was going to school. As we talked about it, he had mentioned he had two boys that were going back to college that felt the same way as I did. What happened next was sort of an out of body experience. It was like I didn't realize what I was doing but I could see it plain as day... I was fake laughing. It was the sort of laugh you hear when you are humoring someone who thinks they are incredibly witty. There was nothing in it that sounded (to me) to be sincere, and no part of it whatsoever sounded remotely like what I usually sound like when I laugh. I tried to make it sound convincing, and not so uncomfortable but I think I made it worse. My only thought as I left the break room was, "Ugh, I hope I don't normally sound like that. It sounded so fake!"

Of course it wasn't a big deal, it wasn't as if we were having a deep discussion and I was being shallow, it was just a quick lunch room chat and wasn't that important in the long run. But I could have sounded more interested. I am a person who loves talking to people when I know they're really listening. Should I not do them the same courtesy? I can tell when others are laughing out of politeness or aren't really interested in what I'm saying. So now I am all paranoid thinking "Do I sound like that all the time?" and "I wonder if he could tell that I was being phony..." What a horrible feeling it is to know that I didn't sound at all sincere. Yuck!

Self Control

2008-08-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

Recently my mom, my sister have convinced me to eat healthier. They call it a diet, I call it torture. Have you seen that Pediasure commercial where a Mom is continually putting healthy food into her shopping cart and with each addition receives a sassy remark from her daughter claiming "I don't think I like... (fill in healthy food here)" Well, unfortunately in this scenario I am the little girl and "I don't think I like broccoli."

I have always been a pretty good eater, in my mind the healthy foods usually out-weigh the non-healthy. There are some days when I just crave a salad loaded with green pepper, cucumber and carrots. Other days I am more in the mood for a Turkey Sandwich on wheat bread or a chicken vegetable wrap. The problem is, this healthy food is usually paired with fruit snacks, chips or even occasionally a doughnut and though this food does not CANCEL OUT the healthy, it definitely adds to it.

So you see it isn't that I hate healthy food, I just like unhealthy food better. Who in their right mind would choose brocolli and cauliflower over chips and salsa? I can immediately tell you, I sure wouldn't. You can imagine my distress when I opened my lunch sack (that I packed by the way) to find 3 deli turkey slices, snap peas and grapes. It is taking all of my self control right now to resist driving to a Wendy's down the street for a JBC.

The funny thing is, I know I feel better when I eat good things. I can run harder, pay attention longer and even sleep better. All incentives to be a healthier eater. But you know those long days when all you want in the world is a Chocolate Dipped Ice Cream from Dairy Queen. Those are the days that make and break me. That is the difference between pound loss and pound gain. Those are the days when I must say..."I have power over you my stomach. You will not defeat me." I am to a point where I can say that, but believing it is harder than it may seem.

Newest Obsession

2008-07-22T12:53:00.001-07:00

I have decided to finally say this out loud. I am addicted to LOST. There it's out...whew! I feel so much better now. I can not go one day without watching this incredible show. If I have to wait to find out what happens, I think I would go crazy.

This latest obsession began when my friends Carrie and Sascha decided that LOST was their new favorite show. I never had any real desire to watch it, but because they insisted it was great, I decided to give it a try. Preparing myself for boredom, or lameness I reluctantly turned it on. From the first episode, no I take that back, the first five minutes I was hooked! I have never watched a show in which the characters are so intense, complicated and even in some cases intertwined. Each character has the most interesting back story! The plot is told through everyone's perspective not just one person's point of view. And honestly, just look at him! He's hot...and makes it all worth it.

So there, it's out, I love LOST! Don't believe me? See for yourself.

The Countdown Begins

2008-07-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

So we're past the half way point. Summer is officially winding down, and the countdown to moving back has begun. 32 days..This may seem like a long time to some, but to me it will be the shortest 32 days of my life. My summer's end is chock full of places to go, people to see, errands to run, supplies to buy, bank accounts to deplete and things to pack. No, a month is not a lot of time at all.

It's not as if I don't want to go back. I'm just suffering the same anxiety that comes to every student when summer ends. You know, when swim suit racks are replaced with sweater sets, when beach bags are replaced with back packs, when adventure novels are replaced with textbooks. I almost cried when I saw a "Back to School Sale" sign in the window of a store in the mall.

For me this anxiety seems extremely poignant when I think about having to once again pack up and move out away from home. I've done this routine before, and have never liked it. Once I get to school I'm fine, but the days leading up to the move are definitely stressful, not to mention emotional. The fear of living with someone new, budgeting my money, holding down a new part time job, making a car payment, even doing my own laundry and making my own dinner sets in. Ridiculous fears that I should be over because I've done it all before, (with the exception of a car payment, and the job) so why can't I face them?

I think it all comes down to this...I like living at home. There, I said it. I am not the type of person who will go crazy if I don't move out. Of course I like living on my own away from home, but I wouldn't kill over if I had to stay at home. So if I feel this way why not just stay? Because I need the experience. It is good for me to do hard things. There are so many lessons I still need to learn and I can't learn them if I don't go out on a limb and try something new. Even if I'm doing it alone.

Helplessly Hoping

2008-06-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

You know how when you are dissappointed, you spend the week moping and upset, unable to stop thinking about what went wrong? That is normal right? I mean, it is natural for someone to be upset, but eventually they get over it after sufficient time. My problem is that I can't get over some things no matter how much I want to, even if I have sufficient time. I am the type of person who can not stop thinking about what happened. A thousand thoughts go through my head of what I could have said or done differently, how I could have acted, the choice I should have made. Then, when a similar disappointment occurs it triggers other thoughts of other occurences. It seems to be a never ending cycle.

I am one who tends to hope that an outcome will be different from the expected one. Justifying that hope with thoughts like "you never know", "maybe if I try harder" or "I deserve this" even "that would be unfair it can not turn out that way." These thoughts bounce around from time to time, boosting my hope even higher. Then, when what is expected to happen happens, I'm demolished. Completely obliterated. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I build myself up to the point where it's ridiculous? I know in my heart what is really going to happen, and yet, I can't seem to make myself believe it. I want the exception to be for me.

I'm not saying that it is a bad thing to hope. "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul, that grows on wings of angels, and never stops at all" Madeline L'Engle. I truely believe that it should never be stopped, but I think that for me personally, I have to be more realistic in my helpless hoping. It is good to hope for things that could happen, but when they more than likely cannot, it is better to leave it alone.

The up side? Now that I've figured out my problem I'm working toward the solution. I can't say I'm cured, but I can say that because I am aware that I'm like this, it's easier to bring my self back to reality. Less moping, less worry, just being honest with myself makes an enormous difference.

Random Thoughts

2008-06-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

So I have a ton of random thoughts floating around in my brain that are dying to get out. Song lyrics, should-of-said's, memories, want to say's and movie quotes. So here they are, in no particular order and with no explanations. (Sorry to disappoint.) But those of you who know me well will have a good idea of what I'm talking about.

"Are you coming home with me?"
Old....how could the time of passed by so quickly? It's like I tricked myself into believing that I had plenty of time, when really there's never enough.
Why oh why did you have to get up at 6:30?? How is it possible for little kids to wake up so early but continue to have ample amounts of energy through out the day?
I miss you
"Why fit in...when you're born to stand out?"
I'm not sure if this is such a good idea. It's not going to work out how you want it to, so maybe we should just forget about it. It could be easier that way.
Maybe I haven't given you enough credit, you could be different than I expected
"Take me away...a secret place...a sweet escape...take me away."
Why don't you just stop beating around the bush and ask me out already? I promise I don't bite! And who knows? If you try to get to know me better, maybe you'll like what you find out.
That is just plain awkward.
"Will you stop trying to break up with me? You're always trying to break up with me and we're not even together."
This is my life...am I who I wanna be?
Do you ever think about me they way I do about you? Can you possibly feel the same way?
I hate the postal system.
You working in a mountain reminds me of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves...I wish I could see you more!

Just a few of my thoughts for you to scratch your heads over. To be honest I'm scratching my own head as well.

Inbetween

2008-05-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

I've decided I miss the stage of being inbetween dating and not. My sister Sarah (the one inthe middle) is turning 16 in 9 days, and is in that very place. She likes this boy ever so much and he has definitely taken an interest in her. Sarah, was the child that swore she would never have a boyfriend or go on dates like I did. She said that boys were over rated and immature. I kept trying to tell her that it would happen to her eventually, and that I had similar view at her age. Now I am proven right, but admit I am slightly jealous at the position she is in. Right now she is in the stage where dating is new and exciting. There is no pressure, just fun...no expectations, just excitement. You know how it feels, when you get to hold someone's hand for the first time, and aren't sure what will happen next. It's an incredible feeling, and it's something I feel like I'm missing out on now.

I'm sure it doesn't have to be that way, but I feel like as you get older, it's easier to move into more of a committed relationship, more quickly. Who cares about holding hands when making out is more fun? Who needs to talk when there's tongue involved right? That is the attitude most people around me seem to have. I just want to get excited about the preliminary stages and be able to stay in that fun stage for a little bit longer when I'm in a relationship. I sort of feel like if a guy can let us stay in that place he's definitely worth sticking around for! There isn't a rush with me.

A Good Catch??

2008-05-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

I have this image in my mind of the perfect one for me. Now granted, he's constantly changing as I meet more people with qualities I'm looking for, but I think it's safe to say that I have a general idea of what I want. You're probably reading this thinking I'm entirely too picky and I'll never find him...but let me enlighten you as to how I've become this way.

This process of putting together my "perfect guy" started about age 7, the year I decided that I was going to marry Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. He was soooo dreamy, and who else could sail a sunken ship and stab Ursula while simultaneously electricuting her? I'm telling you he was a catch! Eric was quickly followed by Dmitri from Anastasia and Prince Phillip, and as I got older, Justin Timberlake (my preteen phase) and Shawn Hunter (from Boy Meets world.)
Eventually, I moved out of this "fictional" phase (though I'm still pining for Brad Pitt, George Clooney and James Marsden) and into "real life" dating. In junior high when I "went out" with boys I found out really quickly how stupid they can be. I learned right away that holding hands is super important, and that if it makes you uncomfortable, it's the wrong person's hand you're holding. Thank you Logan. Next there was David who showed me that I'm a flirt and can't date a jealous boy. There was pizza throwing involved... :) David was followed by Lee, my almost boyfriend who was probably the nicest guy to date. He was the one who helped me realize that I needed I guy to take charge in a relationship. (nothing happened because he didn't) but he also showed me that I needed someone I could talk to, and get excited about being around. Lee was followed by a slew of very random, and short lived crushes, until John. He helped me understand that guys don't know what they want, so they try to date a lot of girls to figure it out. John's problem was that he dated them all at once. Oops.
My first real boyfriend was Steve, and I believe he was the only one who taught me all the good things, nothing bad. He taught me how to meet people, how to laugh, how to take risks, how to be honest. Long story short, since him I've dated Spencer, work jerk with an attitude who never called, and BJ the cheater.
So the point I'm trying to make is that through all my experiences I've figured out what I want. The problem therefore, is that I keep having people tell me what I want and that I'm to picky, but really, isn't it better that I know what I want? Won't that save me and everyone else a lot of heartache? People keep trying to set me up and wonder why I don't like who they choose, but ultimately it is up to me right?

How many ways can you say entrancing?

2008-05-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, So I don't know how many of you have seen the movie "Dear Frankie," but I watched it last night and became entranced in the absolute beauty of the movie. Have you ever watched something and became momentarily breathless? This is how this movie made me feel. Honestly, tears came to my eyes, and not because the movie was sad at all but because I was captivated by it. The last time I was this mystified about what I watched in a movie was the first time I saw Elizabethtown. Words, storylines, characters, actors...forgettable. The film's ability to pull you in by it's cinematography alone is what makes it memorable. This along with music, can create an image the viewer never forgets. (as you can probably figure out, I highly recommend this movie.)
Watching this movie was a perfect escape from the rest of the world. Right now my life consists of playing mom to a family of 5 kids while their parents are out of town. Unfortunately this family isn't the Cleavers, so they have a set of problems and stresses all their own. It's hard to come in unaware of the issues and feel comfortable in an environment like that. So let's just say the escape was a welcome one.
On a lighter note...wait does anyone have a lighter note?

Yawns and other such news...

2008-05-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

Do we yawn because we're tired? I guess scientists say it's because we aren't getting enough oxygen to our brains. I'm not sure how we could stop getting enough oxygen, I mean, we're breathing aren't we? So why have I begun to yawn so consistently at work. Unfortunately, people seem to think I am sleep deprived or bored. I say neither. In all of the instances in which I have yawned I have never once felt super sleepy, and am usually quite interested in what the other person had to say. And yet, they still came, a group of yawns in spades.

In other news....Megan is now home for the summer. What essentially made me more excited than anything up at school, was the fact that summer was coming. It's what got me through finals. However, since I've been home I've wanted nothing more than to move back to Logan. I mean don't get me wrong I love being at home, it's just that there is a such a feeling of empowerment being on your own and now that I'm here, that feeling has started to decline. Now, it's a new sort of feeling, one that I'm not quite used to having yet. Also, what are the rules for living at home now anyhow? Do I ask my parents permission to go out with friends or do I just tell them I'm going out? What is my curfew? Do I even have a curfew? Can I bring friends over to the house, or not? These are things I had no problem dealing with in Logan because I made the choices. But now I'm living with my parents...have the rules changed?

The Substitute People

2008-04-14T11:41:00.001-07:00

For those of you who have no idea what the title of this blog means, let me enlighten you. My favorite movie of all time is Elizabethtown. In this movie two characters who are obviously right for each other keep trying to justify NOT being together. Neither of them can commit to each other the way they are meant to, because they are both too afraid to take the risk and jump in. They claim that they are the "substitute people" the ones you count on to hold you over until you meet the "right person." The reason I even bring this is up is because lately I've been feeling like everyone's substitute person. Not necessarily just as far as relationships with guys goes, but also with friends and even family. I am that person that everyone leans on until they find somebody better. I think that's been the story of my entire life. I'm at the point that I'm certain that I don't take enough risks. I am so safe if I stay the way I am, no way to get hurt right?

And so it begins...

2008-03-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

I have now begun my first ever blog. I am slightly nervous because I don't like to write anything that isn't interesting or exciting. Who would want to read a blog about nothing? Well I guess you would, because you are reading it right now. But don't worry, I won't judge. I finally caved to the blogosphere. Is that even a word? Anyway, I am now here on this page, very excited to commence this new phase in my life. I must give kudos to my dear friend Abby who helped me begin building this page you see before me. I'm not sure why I decided to begin this, but sometimes we all do things for strange reasons. You will see more of my strange decisions as time goes by, because I make a lot of those... the journey begins.