Fake

Can you tell when other people are acting fake?

Today in the break room I had someone ask me when I was going to school. As we talked about it, he had mentioned he had two boys that were going back to college that felt the same way as I did. What happened next was sort of an out of body experience. It was like I didn't realize what I was doing but I could see it plain as day... I was fake laughing. It was the sort of laugh you hear when you are humoring someone who thinks they are incredibly witty. There was nothing in it that sounded (to me) to be sincere, and no part of it whatsoever sounded remotely like what I usually sound like when I laugh. I tried to make it sound convincing, and not so uncomfortable but I think I made it worse. My only thought as I left the break room was, "Ugh, I hope I don't normally sound like that. It sounded so fake!"

Of course it wasn't a big deal, it wasn't as if we were having a deep discussion and I was being shallow, it was just a quick lunch room chat and wasn't that important in the long run. But I could have sounded more interested. I am a person who loves talking to people when I know they're really listening. Should I not do them the same courtesy? I can tell when others are laughing out of politeness or aren't really interested in what I'm saying. So now I am all paranoid thinking "Do I sound like that all the time?" and "I wonder if he could tell that I was being phony..." What a horrible feeling it is to know that I didn't sound at all sincere. Yuck!